Winner: Colin Craig
For believing in chemtrails, for questioning the reality of moon landings, for basking provocatively in grass, for being a litigious shit by threatening or taking legal action against Russell Norman, the Civilian, and colincraig.co.nz, for saying he could choose to be gay if he wanted to, for staring from billboards using Norman Bates’ eyes, for fearing Kiwi-invented rockets will be used to export non-traditional family values to space, and for blaming climate change on sun spots and the “circulation of the planets” .* You, sir, are a most deserving winner of this award.
Honourable mentions: The 94 percent of Israeli Jews, let’s call them evil wankers, who feel that the assault on Gaza is not ‘excessive’; people who live in Epsom for continually being wankers; and all of the lazy wankers not defacing election billboards.
Saint of the last seven days
Winner: Dr Sheik Umar Khan
Khan treated over 100 patients in the current Ebola outbreak in Sierra Leone, and has been called a "national hero" for his efforts to contain its spread. This week he died after contracting the virus. Before becoming infected he said, "I am afraid for my life, I must say, because I cherish my life." Rest in Peace, Dr Khan.
Honourable mentions: No mentions this week, nobody ought shade Dr Khan.
*One of these isn’t true. Colin Craig is welcome to sue me if he’s bright enough to figure out which one he doesn’t believe in.