Wanker of the week
Winner: Trevor Mallard.
For thinking that raising the idea of Moa returning to root around in his local bush was a wise move three months out from an election. It’s not like his colleagues in the Labour caucus could scoff with any authority, though, they’ve had fuck-all better ideas.
Honourable mentions: Dunedin Mayor Dave Cull who drained $3,900 of council funds for shackles he thought were used to hold Maori prisoners but turned out to have bound, wait for it, camels; Korotangi Paki, the Maori King’s son, for reminding us that in judging behaviour, class is more important than conduct (and ethnicity); and monarchies everywhere. Wankers each and all.
Saint of the last seven days
Winner: The New Zealand Mars Society.
For educating the public about, and encouraging exploration and settlement of, the planet Mars. Haven’t heard of them? Well you should have, as this will undoubtedly be Trevor Mallard's next policy initiative.
Honourable mentions: Kane Williamson for helping the Black Caps to a rare overseas series victory with classy, patient batting; Dover Samuals for seeing the Korotangi Paki decision for the nonsense that it is; and former escort Gwyneth Montenegro who has penned a book on sleeping with over 10,000 men – well done, if I have to work with even one or two dicks I find it utterly intolerable.
Winner: Trevor Mallard.
For thinking that raising the idea of Moa returning to root around in his local bush was a wise move three months out from an election. It’s not like his colleagues in the Labour caucus could scoff with any authority, though, they’ve had fuck-all better ideas.
Honourable mentions: Dunedin Mayor Dave Cull who drained $3,900 of council funds for shackles he thought were used to hold Maori prisoners but turned out to have bound, wait for it, camels; Korotangi Paki, the Maori King’s son, for reminding us that in judging behaviour, class is more important than conduct (and ethnicity); and monarchies everywhere. Wankers each and all.
Saint of the last seven days
Winner: The New Zealand Mars Society.
For educating the public about, and encouraging exploration and settlement of, the planet Mars. Haven’t heard of them? Well you should have, as this will undoubtedly be Trevor Mallard's next policy initiative.
Honourable mentions: Kane Williamson for helping the Black Caps to a rare overseas series victory with classy, patient batting; Dover Samuals for seeing the Korotangi Paki decision for the nonsense that it is; and former escort Gwyneth Montenegro who has penned a book on sleeping with over 10,000 men – well done, if I have to work with even one or two dicks I find it utterly intolerable.
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